I am pregnant. Again. And, I am old and pregnant, so this pregnancy peave of mine is even more irritating than with babies past. I am three months pregnant. I am not showing, I AM BLOATED. Do not touch my belly and rub it like you are connecting with the baby. If you wanted to really connect with my fetus, you would be rubbing my pubic bone and that is a sure way to get your ass kicked. When you have gas, I wouldn't rub your butt cheeks. You get it? So, please the bloated belly is painful...keep your hands off.
With my last child, Madison, I managed to almost sail through my pregnancy without any strangers hands on my stomach, until that fated day when I was cornered in an elevator with a fellow (creepy) co-worker and he just couldn't resist the urge. Talk about awkward. Dude, we don't even work on the same floor. I don't know you like that. Nor do I plan or want to know you like that.
As a disclaimer, this post applies to aunts, uncles and grandparents of my current children. Now that I am hormonal, I feel liberated to tell you how I really feel- even though I know I have said this before. However, nieces and nephews will be allowed once the baby starts kicking. Until then, remember the navel bone is connected to the kick-you-in-the-groin bone.
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