Facebook

Ah, the social anomaly that defies definition. Everyone uses Facebook for a different reason, right? I have decided, however, that the universal component to Facebook, the draw in which people can’t resist, is deception. I don’t mean cheating on your spouse or leading a double life (although that is not outside this parameter as there are those who use it for such purpose). I mean it in its purest simplicity of the word; partial truths or abstracting reality for your personal gain. I am guilty of it myself. Let me explain.



You get a Facebook account. You friend your besties and a couple of people from work, maybe college and even high school. The next thing you know, you have 752 friends. You post your every move and most people have hidden you from their feeds. No one cares what time you went to the gym or what you had for lunch, yet it still shows three people “like” your status. Let’s break down the deception, shall we?



1) You don’t have that many friends. My Facebook account says I have 150 friends. Total lie. I am a 35-year old mother with two children with a third on the way. Pregnant women are boring and hormonal, so the ten friends I really have don’t talk to me that much. In all actuality, I have three friends: 6 years, 18 months and a 37-year old with benefits…my husband.


2) You refuse to deny any friend request to maintain your “number.” Shaking your head no, are you? Lies.


3) Judging by your profile picture, you probably didn’t go to the gym, much less at 5 am. You should just be honest and say that nothing starts your day like a streusel and a diet coke. You are probably eating a Twinkie right now. I just ate some circus peanuts - right after I did Yoga on the Wii.


4) The three people that “like” your status are the same three people that like your every status. They have nothing better to do than to stalk your every move on Facebook. You probably don’t like them, but you are too worried about your numbers to delete them, or you won’t break the cardinal rule of disconnecting a friendship on Facebook. Which brings me to my next point.



I apparently missed the memo that you can’t disconnect friendships on Facebook or deny someone’s friend request. When did you lose the right to decide who you ‘friend?’ Do you go to a bar and find the most annoying people or contrasting to your personality type, sit with them awkwardly and roll your eyes every time they speak? No. But, you know you are doing that now on the other side of this screen, aren’t you? Busted. If we don’t speak in '”real” life, I am unsure why you would want to speak with me in a “digital” one. Unless you are creeping or that obsessed…you know who you are. And, then there are those people who you have friended and you realize that they can’t write anything in the English language without using the F word, and it is spelled wrong consistently. Or, those people who you may have been friends with 17 years ago, but realize that they still haven’t kicked their drug addiction, or they are so depressing that your own status updates have become tinted with suicidal undertones. The logical thing to do is “disconnect.” But, it is like you have just horse-whipped a boy scout. So, most people won’t do it. Like I said…I missed the memo. And then there is blocking. Dare I go there? It is a feature for a reason, people.



Facebook is truly rendering our next generation of young-uns stoopid and social basket cases. And, yes I know it is stupid, but that is my point. How hard is it to spell correctly? Does it really take that much longer to type “are” instead of “r"?” And to you married people or couples who banter back and forth on Facebook while you are with each other in the same room: you need therapy. Truly, you do. Farmhouse (or whatever it is called) is not the reason you joined and stay on Facebook. You aren’t kidding anyone. Get a turtle and really prove your point. You go on your Facebook everyday; don’t play like you don’t. And if you are “never on Facebook,” then why do you have an account? And, why do I keep seeing your updates? Oh, and why do you have three accounts with different aliases?Deception.



When I joined Facebook, I was curious. So many people I knew had an account. So, I tried it. It was fun, but I spend entirely too much of my time on it. I can’t quite figure out why, either. The social anomaly. My status updates usually are about some random thing my kids have done or a fleeting thought of my own. I post links, usually comical or political. No one dares comment on my political status updates. Why? Aren’t we “friends"?” Can’t we have an intellectual debate or agree to disagree? Now, I use Facebook for feeds from my autism, medical and health awareness sites. The magic has worn off. I too have hidden people from my feeds; guilty as charged. It is deception at its finest and at its worst. That isn’t who I am, and thus my Facebook days are over. Now, I shall blog. If you want to follow me…great. And, if not, suck it. No deception there.



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