Yes, She Has Autism.

In a video I watched recently about two young autistic adults in a relationship (http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/video-living-loving-autism-443201), a father tells how it is often harder in some respects for high-functioning autistic people opposed to those more severe on the spectrum because “...they are so close to 'there', yet not quite.” I thought of my daughter, Isabella. Although her autism is there everyday, there are many moments when her behavior and her actions are the same of a typically developing, near six-year old girl. It is those fleeting moments that elude people to think that she just is poorly behaved, or that I am a bad parent.
I was recently at the local health food store trying to find some supplements for myself, when a very nice member of their staff offered to help me. I was with both of my children and I was thankful for the offer. I explained to him that I can't have gluten in my supplements and after a while of searching with no luck, he asked me if I had celiac disease. I told him that I don't eat anything with gluten or casein because my daughter has autism and she can't eat those things. Technically, I could take the supplements with gluten, but I don't because I want to be feeling as much as what she feels. He looked at me, puzzled, and says “Who? This daughter?” referring to Isabella standing next to me. I replied yes, and with his brow furrowed he questions, “Really?” No, I am making it up. Of course, I didn't say that, but I was a little perturbed, although I don't think it was visible. After learning this information, he promptly said, “Well, let me know if you need help with anything else.” And, with that, he left.
I guess I should have been happy with his conclusion. To him, my daughter wasn't autistic and that is what we want, right? But, it irritated me that he became an instant professional on autism while spending just 3 minutes with me and my girls. And, this is what that father in the video was referring to, I think. What these people don't see are the 45 minute sensory overload sessions of feeling page after page of different books to find the softest one. They don't see your child hiding under the table when her therapist talks about emotions. They don't see my 5 and half year old having daytime accidents because they can't feel the sensation to use the bathroom. Almost there, but not quite. Maybe I was just exhausted that day, and his observation caught me off guard. Emotions tend to run high when you are in a grocery store or other stimulating environment.
I don't want autism to define her, don't get me wrong, and I am so thrilled with her accomplishments. It is because of her very restricted diet, her plethora of supplements and her intense therapy that she is often able to conceal her diagnosis. Some parents might say that is what they want – for people to not see that their child has autism. I feel that way too, but I am not ashamed of it. And, while I am hopeful that she will lead a relatively normal life, it is unrealistic to say she will not experience these challenges to some degree for the rest of her life.