You're about to what?!?

On the way home from a family dinner at the Longhorn (yeehaw!), the White Chariot of Mayhem is bustling with activity - as always.  For those of you who don't know, the WCM is my term of endearment for my van.

Anyhoot - Maddie and Bella are in the far back giggling and saying silly things, singing and goofing off, and Roman is the the middle row shrieking and growling, making random post-dinner baby sounds.  Nick and are chit-chatting and the radio is on in the background.  The car is full of noise. 

And, then it happens.  You know, that phenomenon where all of sudden all conversation stops simultaneously.  And, in a fleeting moment there is a hum of silence.  It is a split second - possibly a couple of seconds of sudden stillness which is quickly interrupted by a tiny 8-year old voice that says, "I'm....about....to....fart*."  Say wha???

Nick and I are immediately brought to silent rolling laughter.  I have to slow the car down to a near stop because the tears in my eyes from laughing are obstructing my view.  And, then, as if it couldn't get any funnier a little 3-year old voice pipes up, all Beavis and Butthead style, "fart."   "Fart!"   "FART!" 

Oh my gosh.  Thank God she didn't actually follow through, but dang!  That was some funny stuff.

*DISCLAIMER:  Yes, my kids said fart.  So do yours.  Get over it.

Telling the Story

A lot of parents (and kids) are celebrating the end of the school year today – kindergarten graduations, moving on to college, or just making it through another academic year. I join this group amazed at how time has flown and finding it hard to believe that I have a daughter just days of 8 years old and a soon-to-be third grader. In academia, the progression through elementary school is an ordinary event, but for me I am celebrating a monumental achievement for my daughter, Isabella.

Unlike the other children in her school, Isabella has overcome an incredible obstacle. This was her first full year in a “main stream” classroom, as she was diagnosed with autism when she was five. After half a year of home-schooling and a full year of specialized training in a charter school devoted to children with autism – not to mention countless hours of therapy, dietary and medical intervention - she returned for second grade at the most amazing school on the planet, Holy Cross Lutheran Academy.

I was full of reservations and fear of how Isabella would adjust, not nearly as confident in my daughter's ability as I should have been. After all, it was just a few short years ago that Isabella was lost in her own body – unable to cope, severely delayed in language and speech, and unable to connect with those around her. I worried that children would see her “weakness” and make fun of her or she would struggle academically and it would just be too much for her to handle -emotionally, physically, and academically. I worried that Isabella would be a burden to her teacher and a disruption to the classroom. The sad truth is that she had been all of this in the past and I was reluctant to let go of that hurt and disappointment

At the beginning of the year, however, I did something I have never fully done before. I turned it over to God. I'm a control freak, so this has never been easy - this occasion was no exception. Truth is, I have always wanted God to help me do it MY way, not HIS way. But, in September at the Teacher's Commissioning at church I sat quietly and prayed for her teacher, Mrs. Fera, and for Isabella. Never before have I wanted something more badly, needed something so desperately, than for my daughter to succeed. So, I opened my heart and listened. And, then I just said, “here it is, Lord. She is yours. You brought us here. You lead. I will follow.” Without question, I knew that day God had heard my prayers.

At Easter, I turned one more thing over to Jesus. Reflecting, I felt like I had been mourning the death of my daughter's dreams because of autism. But, in reality, it was MY dreams I had for my child – not Isabella's. Her dreams are very much alive! I asked Him to cleanse my heart and to show me the daughter who IS, not the daughter who could have been. And, Isabella has emerged. It is no coincidence that Isabella is now an engaged 7-year old, chock full of attitude and excitement, quirkiness and brilliance, drive and determination, funny and smart, able and willing and FULL of God's love and grace. As I write this, I am overcome with emotion because she is my miracle, God's miracle, and I am so thankful for and proud of her.

In some of my hardest, darkest moments, I struggled with faith. When I was hurting for my Isabella and wondering what her future had in store for her, letting go seemed so unnatural. But, believing and trusting in God that He has a plan for ALL of us, even if it doesn't make sense at the time was the only thing left to do. I never imagined three years ago, Isabella would have accomplished such big things and overcome such enormous obstacles. At one time, I was terrified to look into tomorrow. But, now I am so excited to see her future unfold. She defies the odds – she is a miracle.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11